Rejection is perfectly normal
Trust me, rejection is normal. Everyone has gone through it in some way or the other. Some may experience rejection in love; some in job interviews, some in friendship and so on. Go ask your parents or your grandparents if you don’t believe me. But the good news is that it makes you stronger – remember the saying, ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’. It’s so true, provided you take it positively and with the right approach. Now, now, I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt; it does! – right where you’d say your heart lies.
Specialists say there is not much difference neurologically speaking between physical pain and emotional pain when you check an MRI Scan of the brain area.
Why does it hurt being rejected
We are social beings, aren’t we? We have and always had the basic instinct of connecting with other human beings. Take a look at our pre-historic ancestors – they too wanted to be socially accepted by their tribes they lived in. This has been a basic need and will be throughout times. Rejection for them meant social isolation and surviving would be a problem by themselves. This need is subconsciously part of us as human social beings.
Stages of rejection
There are five stages of rejection and it’s not necessarily you will go through these stages in the order mentioned.
Denial
In this stage, you will not be able to handle the truth and accept the fact that it has happened to you – that you’ve been rejected. You will start to rationalize that it must be a mistake and that you will be able to change the person’s mind.
Anger
Most people might go through this stage at first itself. You will be angry with the person who has rejected you. This happens because your ego has been hurt. Or you might even get angry with yourself.
Bargaining
Since you can’t accept that it has happened, you try to change the outcome by trying again and doing something that you could get another shot at it.
Depression
If you act too hard own yourself, you will become depressed. You will feel sad or not worthy. Once you feel unworthy, you will become more reclusive.
Acceptance
If you’ve reached here, then you realise that you’ve been rejected. You start to acknowledge your emotions and you begin to pick yourself up and move ahead in life.
Noticed how fighting rejection is more painful for yourself rather than accepting it? And this is exactly what I was trying to convey earlier when I said – ‘it makes you stronger…’ It’s common sense, the more you practise something the right way, the better you get. Having experienced rejection for the first time in life is hard but learning how to overcome it and accepting it without resisting it, will set you free.
Now we shall see ways how to deal with rejection. Even if it’s going to be your first time to face rejection, knowing how to deal with rejection the right way, will make you stronger. You will realise in the end that rejection is not always personal and it’s all in the mind how you perceive things.
How to Deal with Rejection
Acknowledge your Feelings
You don’t always have to use defence mechanisms to avoid pain. Sometimes it’s just important to recognize that you’re hurt and accept it. Accept what has happened. You want to feel sad, please feel it, cry if you need to when you’re alone, get it all out. Don’t bottle things up. Take some time for yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. But don’t stay down for too long and feeling pity for yourself. Be like the phoenix, rise up stronger.
Don’t bottle up your feelings
It’s important to talk to someone. Be mindful but with whom you share things with, it should be with someone you trust. Or just speak to a therapist if your emotions are too strong. We have to understand that everyone experiences a different level of pain in rejection and that may be because of the nature and situation of rejection or other might be how the person reacts to rejection given his personality makeup.
Have a positive mindset
It’s important to be positive in life. We have to see the ‘half full glass’. Just because it has happened to you once, it won’t happen always. Depending on the nature of rejection, we have to understand what’s the reason and try to improve ourselves. For example, in the case of a basketball team selection, you have to analyze why you weren’t selected and get better.
How to deal with rejection from a girl
Rejection is not always personal
Let me give you a situation and make you understand this point. Let say – You were rejected by a girl, you like a lot and gave so much importance to. Now imagine, a random girl felt the same about you. She comes up to you and asks you to be her boyfriend but you don’t like her. Would you not reject her? Step back and see the situation. Was it much to do with her or with what you preferred? We as humans have different preferences. Don’t take things personally. It’s not about you always. And don’t care what others think about you.
Use rejection as an energy to make yourself better
When you can channelize pain to be a better version of yourself, it will do you wonders. Don’t let the pain turn into anger and hatred. It will only destroy and consume you. Learn to better yourself. If you’re a shy person, learn in some ways how to socialize better. Building self-esteem and self-confidence is key to facing a lot that life throws at you.
Don’t shy away from rejection
Remember this saying, ‘No risks, no rewards’. We can shy away from situation that might get us rejected and that we will not feel pain. But this won’t get you most out of life. You will not get the girl you wanted or the job you dreamt of, if you go through life with such a safe approach. Face situations more often so that you can get over the fear of rejection. The more you shy away, the more difficult it will be for you to handle rejection. It’s in experience and hard times in life, that make us stronger.
Conclusion
Remember that rejection is a part and parcel of life. Don’t try to shield yourself from the pain of rejection. The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable and easy it’ll be for you to handle rejection. Accept and acknowledge the feelings of pain that come with rejection. Build self-esteem and confidence in yourself. And who knows, one day you might have the knowledge and wisdom to write an article like this on ‘How to handle rejection’.
